Honor your self worth. By being harsh to ourselves we alone can damage our self worth, on top of all the words we’ve heard throughout the years that we’ve internalized (where you most likely learned from in the first place).
People can be harsh to others. Unfortunately, a lot of what those people are saying is a projection of what they feel about themselves and expect others to submit to words they’ve internalized. Maybe you’ve also been guilty of projecting onto others because of the lies you’ve internalized.
What are some lies we tend to believe?
- I’m stupid
- I’m not worth it
- I’m unattractive
- I’m too fat/skinny
- I’m not good enough
- I’m not smart enough
- I’m not lovable
- I’m too much
- I’m not as important as
- Bad things always happen to me
- the list goes on…and on…
It’s interesting to learn about how these lies come from. We learn from our parents or our environment in which we developed. They might not even be spoken words, but behaviors we caught onto in our development. Abuse and trauma are also huge factors. Society, especially in the media, doesn’t help with expectation they’ve put out by psychologically manipulating us to believe we aren’t good enough.
But now it’s time to put an end to these negative thoughts and words!
Let’s start with self-awareness!
Can you identify what thoughts about yourself is a lie and what is truth? Lies obviously are untrue, but also, we need to realize that some negative characteristics of ourselves can be true. So, we need to learn differentiate which negative aspects really are true and which ones are not. For example, many people may say you are rude. Is there truth to that? Can you be rude? That may be a truth, but now that you’re aware of it you can adjust the behavior. Another example is “I am lazy.” Either you believe it for yourself, or someone has told you. Are you lazy? Or are you struggling with depression? There can be reasons behind what seems to be true. Just because you find it difficult to get out of bed, change your clothes, or clean the house may not mean you’re lazy, you may be depressed. And now that you’ve been able to identify that you may be depressed you can determine what are the next bests steps. These are just a couple of examples. Try and identify some of these beliefs you have about yourself and determine (to the best of your ability) if they are lies or if there is some truth to them.
Do you project your thoughts onto others? Do you expect those around you to adhere to the same rules or expectations you’ve put on yourself? This is where self-awareness comes into play as well. We may not even realize that we do it, but unfortunately there’s a great chance that you are doing it. This is how you may have inherited some of those lies that you believe about yourself, because it was passed down to you from someone else who believed the lie and projected it onto you. Can you think of anything you might be projecting onto someone else? Your spouse? Your kids, or co-workers? Recognizing this and making the effort to change is where the cycle can end.
Some evidence that you’re not honor our self-worth
People pleasing. Do you find yourself going out of your way for others when they wouldn’t necessarily do it for you? Do you feel anxious around certain people because you want to make sure you’re excepted by them? Do you say yes, when you want to say no?
Perfectionism. You may feel the need to make sure everything is perfect. It’s an all or nothing attitude. You have great attention to detail, making sure everything is as it should.
Overworking. You put your worth in what you do. The more you put into it the more likely someone will “value” you. Climbing the ladder is your means to success, failure is not an option.
Comparison. You compare yourself to others. Feeling like you have to measure up to a certain standard. What you have is what you are worth. Altering the truth to allow others to perceive you are “better” that what you really are.
What can you do about it?
Can you set boundaries on these thoughts? Setting boundaries don’t just have to be placed between yourself and others, but even within yourself. When you hear a negative thought come to your mind, or you’re behaving a certain way, try and catch it. Maybe you can go as far as keeping track by marking on a piece of paper or even writing out the thought or behavior. How many times a day do you think you might be doing these things?
We can then take the opportunity to believe the opposite of what we’ve wrongly thought about ourselves. “I am stupid.” That is a lie that many of us believe. I’ve fallen to it myself! But what is the truth? I did something stupid, but that doesn’t make me stupid. We all do stupid things from time to time, but that doesn’t make us stupid. If that was the case, every person on this planet would be stupid.
You can try “self-talk” in these situations so every time you start to feel a certain way about yourself, you’ll believe less of the lie and more about the truth. Set the boundary, don’t allow those thoughts to overtake you, but give yourself room to honor your self-worth.
Reach out. Maybe you find yourself struggling so much it feels impossible to move past these words, thoughts or behaviors. It’s okay, you’re not alone! It can be difficult!! Seriously. This was an area I struggled with for years, and if I’m honest, I can still struggle with certain thoughts. It wasn’t until I reached out for help that I was even able to identify these thoughts, let alone work on turning away from the lies and leaning into the truth. This can be an area you may not be able to work on yourself or even talking through with a friend. Next time you catch yourself saying negative things to yourself, ask, can I get through this on my own? Or Do I need to reach out for some assistance? A life coach can help with the tools and helping you walk through the process and move forward. (If the lies and possibly wounds related are so deep it may benefit you to reach out to a counselor.)
You can click on the button below to go to my coaching site and learn more about life coaching and about me.